I LOVE my Dr. But HATE the OFFICE & Misc Catch -Up

My Dr's office has this new policy well its not new it has been in affect for awhile but I hate it..To make an appt you have to call that week, a week ahead or the same day. Now this pisses me off I like to make my appts earlier in advance so I know I have an appt. I called last Mon(23rd) to make an appt for Fri(27th) now the office opens at 8 and I called about 8:45 but the receptionist said she was all booked for Fri ok now someone tell me how is it in 45 min this women is all booked for Fri..So I am going to get up tomorrow and call there at 8 and if they say she is booked up again I am going to go ballistic..Also while we are on this topic someone explain to me. They said you can make an appt a week in advance how is it when I call on a Fri to make an appt for the following Fri they tell me to call back on Mon but when I call on Mon I can make an appt for next Mon. Good grief people its the same number of days come on now...So we will see what happens when I call there tomorrow if you see on the national news about a women getting arrested for going off on a receptionist at a Dr's office you know its me lol... Also to update you on other events....

The skin is finally growing back on my shin/leg area its half covered and getting smaller so hopefully by the end of next month I can stop buying all this gauze, toppers, non-stick pads and kling rolls I swear in the past 3 months I been keeping Johnson & Johnson in business having to buy all this stuff..Also an update on my uncle they took out his breathing tube a week ago I do believe and then they put it back in and as of Fri the took it out and decided to out in a treack (you know when they put the tube in your neck)..He has also had 2 more blood transfusions and is still on Dialysis..He has 2 cultures done a 24 hr one and 3 day one the 24 one came back ok but I guess the 3 day one came back with something on it...I can't remember if I posted this on the last update if so sorry for repeating. When they did the scope they said the front and back of his pancreas is dead but the middle is still ok I have no freaking idea what that means...They are suppose to be doing a biopsy on his pancreas...He astill has an infection and they have no idea where it is coming from and he is on a ton of antibiotics and they don't seem to be working so that is all I know for now I will post more when I know more enjoy your sunday....

Fathers Part 2

Let me move on from my dad for a minute and talk about my mom.....My mom has been my mom and my dad she has always been there for me when I needed her and even when I didn't think I did....I know there were times she wanted to beat me senseless but she didn't....I knew there were times she wanted to say I told you so but she didn't even after all the dumb things I have done in my life she has always been there to have my back.....A few years ago while she was at work she had a heart attack a friend of hers came into my job and told my boss and he came and got me and all she said was your mom is in the hospital then she told me they think she had a heart attack as I’m walking out to the car I swear I felt like someone hit me and knock the wind outta me my first thought was "I cant lose her" at that time we were living in Vegas...If I had lost her I don't know what I would have done....I spent many a nights crying in bed wondering if she was going to be ok and thank goodness she was I realized something at that time no matter how old you are you always need your momma for something......So back to my dad I remember the day it hit me that I lost my dad for sure and at that time I really didn't care ......It was a hot July afternoon in Massachusetts......


The ceremony begins its my turn they call my name I go up on stage I look out and see my mom, sister, nephew, uncle, aunt and cousin but no where do I see my father and as I'm walking off down the stairs Im thinking well maybe he is up in the balcony so after this we are all outside I call my dad to see where he is and I call the cell phone and I'm like where are you he is like home I'm like have you been there are day he was like yes why and I hand up the phone and I'm thinking to myself on what should be one of the happiest days of my life.....He missed my fucking High School Graduation that was the day I finally went from feeling like the baby girl he always wanted to the person he didn't give a damn about......So I went out that night and partied like it didn't matter and when I got home as usual I went to bed and cried for a man I loved but for some reason I thought couldn't love me back.....A few years later while talking to a friend I realized something the first man to tell me he loved me, to lie to me, to break my heart and to abandon me were in fact all the same person My Father.....How about that for irony......Well he called me back the next day and asked why I hung up on him and I said you really haven't figured it out huh and of course he was like no and I'm like you missed my damn graduation and of cause he had no excuse no reason no nothing and if he had of I didn't really want to hear it any way’s.......


I left Mass and moved to Vegas in March of 2000 and my mom in August of 2000 I didn't tell my dad I was moving I figured why should I...so it surprise me when my mom called and said your dad sent u a card and some money yea damn near pissed my pants on that one.....So eventually I told him I left Mass and he was like well I wish you had come say good bye and I'm like why what difference would it have made NONE !!!!!!......While in Vegas I met Mike my boyfriend online and we have been together 4 yrs I came out here to visit last March 2004 and haven’t left since LOL......Well I do believe that Mike is the man I am going to marry and may have kids with so I decide to write my dad a letter since its been so long and I figured I'm older now and we are both adults maybe we can move past the past and let it go yea things could have been done different but its the past lets let it lay well that's what I wanted to do but I guess he didn't.....He was wondering why I hadn't sent him a Father's Day card or anything.......He never said a word about the fact that I was in love ad happy he ever said I'm happy for you or anything the last time I heard from him he called to wish me a Happy New Year......I knew it was him but I didn't want to answer plus he was drunk so it wouldn't have been a good conversation....Maybe one day soon I'll write him again who knows maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment but I think I'll take a break from him. There is more on this topic but we will revisit it later on to different topics

Fathers..Where Do I Even Start

I don't know if anyone is reading this or if my comments aren't working so if you stop by leave a comment even if its just a hello thanks..But on with the post shall we...

Before I even go into detail about me and my fathers relationship I want to share with you an email he sent me this week "Hi there Well,it has been quite a while since i have heard from you.I hope that everything is alright.I realize that you have a life of your own.But a few lines to let me know that you are doing alright,i don't think is asking to much. So if you can find the time to drop a line or two, I would feel a lot better.But if for some reason you wish not to, then I guess there isn't much I can do about that. I love you and hope to hear from you soon love Dad"

Ok the last time I emailed my father was before New Years and of course I didn't get a response and he has my home address to but last week he send me a card out of the blue he does this crap all the time I email him and he doesn't respond and a few months later he pops up and emails me like I am such a bad person for not constantly emailing him well why email when I never get a response back..So that brings us to current day relationship with my dad he still lives back in Mass...

I am going to explain our relationship this is going to be a long post so I may have to divide this up for you guys I wrote this before so I am going to just copy it here enjoy I lost my dad so long ago I cant even remember ....Just to fill everyone in my dad isn't dead I know where he is and he knows where I am and yet we have nothing all we have in common is or last name and the fact that people say I look like him something I have to face every morning when I look in the mirror so no matter what he is always here.....Now let me start off by saying I do love my dad we had some good times and its partially because of him that I am here on this earth but I also hate him for some of the things he has done to me and no this isn't going to be any of that woe is me pity party bullshit.....This is going to be a long whirlwind story so get comfy I’m going to be jumping around so try and keep up....My mom and dad dated and broke up and he met someone and had a kid and the decided to give him up for adoption, my mom met and married my brother and sisters dad and they eventually divorced.....My dad had to boys with another lady and then him and my mom found one another again.....He kept talking about wanting a baby girl cause all he ever had was boys....So lone behold on August 4th 1979 I graced the world with my presence LOL.......I guess from what I know for other when I was a baby things were great and peachy as I got older things changed......My mom found out my dad was cheating and told him he needed to choose and he chose the women who could give him material things like money and cars over a women who loved him and a child who loved him more then he would ever know........But my mom made it clear that she would never keep him from seeing me no she didn't have to his new girlfriend would eventually take care of that....When I first met her I didn't like her cause she tried to be my mom and she wasn't so that killed any chance we had of being friends right there.......As time went on and I got older we saw each other less I would go by their place and see him just to sit there and stare at him while he rolled a joint or did whatever like I wasn't there he occasionally talked to me but hell I kept going cause I wanted my father back......So as time went by here came the numerous broken promises and the days of sitting in my front porch in the middle of winter in Massachusetts while its snowing waiting for him to come get me and he never shows no call no excuse no nothing.....All the lies and the hurt I always kept it to myself I never let on I never cried I just held it all in I knew eventually I would blow just didn't know when.......Whenever he would come over his girlfriend would make him bring her grandson she was afraid him and my mom would get together.......

So fast forward a lil to a night full of surprises my dad comes over alone (wonder how he managed that) so he comes over and takes my mom in the bathroom then he comes out kisses me tells me he loves me then leaves....So here comes my mom to tell me "your father is getting married" he didn't even have enough fucking balls to tell me himself WTF !!!!!!......So of course I acted like it didn't matter so he calls a few days later and asks me if I want to come and if I do he will pick me up well I say yes and of course guess what no one ever shows......So I go in the house and my mom was like are you ok and I was like yea no big deal but of course it was I should have known he was lying but I was hoping maybe for once he maybe gave a damn....Well later that night as I lay in bed with my radio one that was the first night I cried over my father.......The angry I had towards him just got worse from there but I still wanted my father back.....Well things on his home front weren't so good my dad has always been a heavy drinker but it escalated a lot after he got married.....I'm sure when he passes it will have something to do with drinking......I drink sometimes but I know my limit I don't do it to escape or anything I know I'm not a drunk I can go months without it and be fine....My dad cant do that he told me he stop but the last time I heard from him he sounded drunk.......But my anger boiled over and it blew one night he came to see me and I just wanted him to leave me alone and he wouldn't go away so I stood there and screamed at the top of my lungs crying my eyes out in front of him and my mom for him to leave me alone I never screamed that loud in my life LOL........I had so much hatred and angry for him it hurt so my mom made him leave and we talked and of course she asked what was wrong and I lied and said a lil of things like school and dad at the time finals where going on in school....So I lied cause I didn't want her worrying about me....

Well that is enough for tonight I will post more tomorrow night...Have a good night

My VIsual DNA

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Truth or Lies....Why Lie ???

I am sure everyone has heard the old saying Never Assume because when you assume you make a ass out of you and me...Well I must say I honestly wished I had listened to that one for sure...I am not going to go into full detail here I just need to vent and get this off my chest and get over it....Recently I had a conversation with a friend(well someone I thought was a friend) but nonetheless we had a long conversation about life and different topics in general and for some reason at some point in this conversation I felt myself being happy that I have met this person and that we are friends well I assumed we were becoming friends I guess you could say...But I assumed I could believe the things this person was telling me because why would they have a reason to lie ??? Well for whatever their reason was maybe they were talking just to hear themselves talk but so I assumed and now well i've made an ass out of myself for assuming this person was worth the time & effort...Maybe this just one instance where there is a reason for lying I don't know but I have to say it hurts that they felt a need to lie and they didn't have to...Maybe I need to go through life not trusting people and see where that gets me heck if I even know right now for some reason this is really bothering me and I honestly just wish it would go away....I don't want to look at everyone who tells me something and think hmmm I wonder if he or she is telling the truth...If anyone has any ideas for me I would greatly appreciate it any help would be nice....

Uncle Update 1

If you haven't already read the previous post called "Playing The Waiting Game" you may want to read it so you are up to speed and aren't totally lost around here I am lost enough lol.....

Well I talked to my mom and the results of the scan show some of his pancreas is dead...The surgeon doesn't really want to have to do surgery because its a bad surgery he says...But he also says the pancreas is an organ so even with some of it dead it can still work...They had to give permission to put the shunt back in for dialysis since its in his groin they can't leave it in there permanently..It was on the left side and now its on the right..Everyone was wondering why he was back on dialysis cause a nurse said his kidneys were working again well come to find out from the Dr. no they aren't I honestly wish everyone would get on the same damn page here and make up their minds or make sure they know what they are talking about before they tell people stuff...

So the next question we are all waiting for an answer to is why if he is on Dialysis is he getting blood transfusions where is the blood going ??? He still has a high temperature but its coming down and he is still doped up on meds but he can hear what you are saying and can move his head a little for a yes or no when you ask him something....I know he is going to be in the hospital for awhile but I really wish things would start looking up it already sucks that he will have to spend his birthday in the hospital next month...I will update more as I get information thanks to everyone for their kind words,thoughts & prayers....

Playing The Waiting Game

I should have blogged about this when it first started but I honestly thought it wasn't going to be anything serious but I was wrong so after keeping all this in for the past 3 weeks I need to let it out, vent, cry whatever....I guess I am still processing it all for the most part to be honest...

Three weeks ago my mom called me and told me my Uncle was in the hospital he was complaining of back pain and a really bad stomach ache now this man has a high pain tolerance so for him to want to go to the ER he has to be in some bad pain...So after he was admitted my aunt and my mom were sitting in the waiting room when the Dr came out and told them they think his pancreas was inflamed & that he was a very sick man...So as the days and weeks progress he has a feeding tube and a breathing tube inserted & he is doped up on sedative and morphine...So his kidneys start to fail and they start him on dialysis

Well one day he tried to pull out his tubes and they have to use restraints on his arms to keep him from doing that..They were going to remove the breathing tube but for some reason decided against it well come to find out today he has an infection in his blood and had to have a blood transfusion...They did a cat scan on his pancreas and they couldn't see so they were going to use a cam to see what was going on to see if some of his pancreas is dead or not function and then take it from there...So that has been the last 3 weeks in a nutshell & of course I am about 3000 miles away so I can't be there to go see him..Its not like I could do much if I was there but I would like to see him..So I am going to end this post for now before I start balling my eyes out

Things About Life I Learned From A Jigsaw Puzzle

This was sent to me so I figured I would pass it along

1. Don't force a fit. If something is meant to be, it will come together naturally

2. When things aren't going so well, take a break. Everything will look different when you return.

3. Be sure to look at the big picture. Getting hung up on the little pieces only leads to frustration.

4. Perseverance pays off. Every important puzzle went together bit by bit, piece by piece.

5. When one spot stops working, move to another. But be sure to come back later (see #4).

6. The creator of the puzzle gave you the picture as a guidebook.

7. Variety is the spice of life. It's the different colors and patterns that make the puzzle interesting.

8. Working together with friends and family makes any task fun.

9. Establish the border first. Boundaries give a sense of security and order.

10. Don't be afraid to try different combinations. Some matches are surprising.

11. Take time often to celebrate your successes (even little ones).

12. Anything worth doing takes time and effort. A great puzzle can't be rushed.

About MeMe...

A - Available or Single? -Neither have a boyfriend
B - Best Friends? Helga,Iris,Barb & Jody
C - Cake or Pie?-Neither brownies or ice cream
D - Drink of Choice? Non-Alcohol-Crystal Light,Alcohol-Jack Daniels & OJ
E - Essential Item? My Cell phone
F - Favorite Color? Black-White-Gray
G - Gummi Bears or Worms? Bears been years since i've had any lol
H - Hometown? Springfield Massachusetts
I - Indulgence?-Starbucks
J - January or February? Jan start of a new year
K - Kids and Names?-none
L - Life is incomplete without? Love,Friends,Laughter
M - Marriage Date?-Not married yet
N - Number of Siblings? 2 - Brother 35 & Sister 29
O - Oranges or Apples? Apples
P - Phobias/Fears? -Life w/o Mk-Never succeeding at my goals
Q - Favorite Quote? -“Don't settle for the one you can live with Fight for the one you cant live without"
R - Reasons to smile? Love,Family,Friends
S - Season? Summer
T - Tag 3 People? Fievel lol I think everyone else I know has done this but if you haven't and you do let me know (but no obligation guys)
U - Unknown Fact About Me? I can sing my states in alphabetical order
V - Vegetable You Hate? Beans
W - Worst Habit? Nail biting
X - X-rays You've Had? Chest,Leg,Ankle,Teeth,Back,Hand
Y - Your Favorite Foods? Salad, Chinese
Z - Zodiac? Leo

Ahhhhh Its Spring Sopposedly...

Well the first day of Spring was last Wed & man since there we have had some crappy weather lol so much for sunshine and warmth no all we got was rain and ughhh lol...But I will admit rain is better then snow its about 55 here today not to bad the sun it out I have to admit I am not loving daylight savings time...Well its been I think about a week since I last blogged I been trying to find things to keep me busy so I am not parked here in front of this computer so much..I got some knitting needles and some yarn and its still sitting there just staring at me lol. I will eventually get around to teaching myself before I am to old.I went and saw my new Dr last monday(the 19th)..I will say this I LOVE my new Dr she is just as nice and friendly as the last one I had. I got my results back from my Diabeties & Cholestrol test...My cholestrol is kick ass perfect lol I never know you could have good cholestrol and high blood pressure I figure if was bad so wasn't the other...As for my diabeties test she says she really can't say if I am or i'm not since one of the meds I am on for my PCOS is also a med used for people with diabeties and for her to find out she would have to take me off the meds for a month and then test me but she thinks without the pills the shot wouldn't be as strong to keep the bleeding away so for now I will hold off on that..

We also talked about weight loss she isn't a skinny minny but she isnt a elephant either she is a good size and we talked about how she is also losing weight and how she lost 60 pounds in the last year...Its nice having someone who knows it's not easy and all but we talked about that and my leg god I wish this thing would hurry up and heal and go away I am thinking about buying stock in Johnson & Johnson gauze and other products cause man it seems like 2 times a week I am out buying more but the Dr says she sees a little bit of pink and some skin coming in I can start using Neosporin on it when I change the bandages hopefully that will speed up the healing process some...Well my eating hasn't been the best we will just leave it at that but I know I need to get back on th saddle I keep telling myself your only a failure if you don't keep trying so try,try and try again...Well that is all for now MK is off today so we are gonna spend some time together....

Ch Ch Ch Changes.....

Saint Patricks Day Comments

Happy Saint Patrick's Day


I have alot of stuff going on in my head now and its driving me crazy so I need to get it out and off my chest now some things won't make any sense so just go along with me here & act like you have a clue what I am talking about....I want to change the name of my blog to what I really don't know but I want to ask all you smart people who know blogger inside and out is there anyway I can just change the title of my blog and keep everything the way it is if so please leave me a comment and let me know...I also want to change my template but the ones blogger has aren't that spectacular I need something springy lol...So if you know how I can change my template to one besides the ones blogger has let me know that also plz....

Okay now on to the things I need to get off my chest I am getting so tired of shit lately and before I go off I need to get it out in the open...I am tired of people who say one thing and do another...I am tired of giving people the benefit of the doubt & end up having it blow up in my face....I am tired of the blatant lack of respect that some people have for people and their feelings...I am tired of people who tell lies like its nothing..I am tired of people who act like their problems are the only ones in the world and no one elses matters..People who have had every chance to get themselves out of a bad situation only to turn down any help and still go on to play the victim...The bad thing is I know someone in everyone of the things I just named and I love my friends and there is nothing I wouldn't do for them but I am getting tired of the same BS over & over.....Ok so I got that off my chest so I feel a lil better...I didn't do much today I watched alot of Ultimate Fighting my eating was good today..The weather was ok it rained but i'll take rain over snow any day...My mom is back East and they got hit with some snow...I think my nasal issue has finally decided to leave me alone thank goodness...Well I hope everyone had a good day and have a great weekend I am off to have some yogurt and relax there is more Ultimate Fighting to be watched.

Weight Issues

My biggest problem with my eating is knowing when I am full...Everyone says well just stop eating when your full well that would be alot easier if my stomach would tell me its full...The only way I know I am full is when i've eaten too much and my stomach hurts..I don't know if anyone else has or has had this problem but if so I would love to know what you did or if something helped you...I know one thing for sure I need to drink more during my meals I usually end up drinking before or after not very much during....This weeks eating habits have sucked not really badly but bad enough this sinus infection isn't helping matters much.

I have tried Benadryl sinus that didn't help, I tried Zicam that didn't help and now I am trying Tylenol Sinus so I hope that helps I have a Dr. Appt monday so if not I will talk to her about it.
I had been sleepless the last 2 nights my nose seems to think its a good idea for both nostril to plug up at one time and I can't sleep while breathing through my mouth. I even tried those breathe right strips and those things are irritating the part that goes over the bridge of your nose that has the band in it that thing is seriously uncomfortable.

I can't wait until spring starts I want to buy some plants liven the place up some get rid of the winter blah...Well that is all for now off to try and get some sleep

Monday, Monday

Ahh where did the weekend go ? Oh I know I slept it away in a Benadryl Sinus induced sleep and I still feel like crap...It rained this weekend so wasn't much going on anyways...Well Friday I called to make a follow up appt with my Dr about my leg & I was informed that my Dr. was no longer there..WTF ??? I guess she has been gone for a couple of weeks now what pisses me off is when I called to ask her about some pain meds the receptionist told me she would have her nurse call me back and of course she never did I guess she was already gone. I really liked my old Dr. If I was able to use my insurance somewhere else besides that clinic I would go find her.

I had a nice list of my weight-loss questions on a piece of paper on my computer table and now its gone lol...I don't know if I have paper gnomes or what running around here but it's gone into thin air....Saturday(March 10th) was me & Mk's four year anniversary I can't believe its honestly been 4 years already it doesn't seem like that long. Even though I wasn't feeling up to par we had a nice day together cause he had to work Sat night...I had a few epiphanies about my issues with my weight which I will get into in the next post..I am off to relax and read....

So Damn Close....

I jinxed myself last week I was thinking hmmm well winter is almost over and I've done pretty good this year I usually end up with a few cases of Strep or Bronchitis but nope I have been good well screw me for thinking that I woke up yesterday morning with a stuff nose and a headache from hell..I have that one nostril stuffy thing going on I don't know if its a cold or a sinus infection but whatever it is I want it gone just as fast as it reared its ugly lil head..As hard as I have tried I can't breathe through my mouth when I sleep if I have to I end up not sleeping its irritating to say the least so not much has changed in the sleep department lately...I haven't been really hungry lately how can I be when I can't taste what I am eating or smell it(odd habit I always smell my food before I eat it I don't stick the plate up under my nose or anything like that )..I have been doing good about eating breakfast in the morning its usually shredded wheat, some yogurt or a muffin with some water or tea.

I am doing good on the no sweets thing so far and still no soda...I have been reading weight-loss magazines left and right just seeing what is out there and what people are doing and saying I have a slew of questions I will post in my next post tomorrow maybe all you lovely women who have had luck can answer some of these questions...I still haven't finished You On A Diet yet I need to strap myself down and finish this book everytime I get into it something seems to come along and take my attention away from itI am about half way though it now and so far I am really enjoying it...Man my nose is running like a leaky faucet with no off knob..my leg is healing nicely the hole is now just about closed up and back to being flush with the rest of my leg now all I have to do is wait for the skin to start healing and we are on our way..Well I hope everyone is doing good and had a good weekend....

Click to Make A Difference

I found this on AE's blog and figured I would share it and pass it along

Seventh Generation is helping Women's sheltersWomen's shelters in the U.S. go through thousands of tampons and pads monthly. Assistance agencies generally help with expenses of "everyday" necessities such as toilet paper, diapers, and clothing, but one of the most BASIC needs is overlooked - feminine hygene products.(That tells me men are at the helm of the funding assistance agencies!)Seventh Generation, a green paper products and cleaning products company, has a do-good attitude and will donate a box of sanitary products to a women's shelter in your chosen state - just for clicking the link. Talk about easy (and, yes, it is legitimate)!http://www.tampontification.com/donate.php

My Thoughts

I was laying in bed last night not being able to sleep as usual thinking about my health,my eating habits & other body thoughts you know the usual nighttime thoughts lol...A few things dawned on me

• I need to start eating breakfast and I know this is common knowledge but hey I never said I was a fast learner lol...When I don't eat breakfast I am starving by lunch and end up eating more then I would had I eaten breakfast

• I need to stop eating dinner so late and then going straight to bed(yes I know you should wait at least 2 hours before you go to bed) but sometimes 2 hours is too long when your dead tired and just want to lay down

• I wonder if eating so late is why I can't sleep at night and I also wonder if that's why when I get up in the morning I feel all ugh like I have a cement block in my stomach

• I need to make an appointment with a nutritionist

• I need to go to Lens Crafter's and get my eyes checked I know I am due for some new glasses

Today has been a day full of irritation if there is one thing I HATE its when people are suppose to show up and they don't last Monday I received a 2 day notice informing me that maintenance would be coming into my apartment between Wed the 21st-Wed the 28th to make repairs from the inspection last month(now mind you all I needed fixed was the pulley chain on my fan to turn it off and on) ok so anyway's they have a week to come in here and fix it well guess when he came to fix it HE DIDN'T it would have been nice had someone put a note on my door saying sorry he won't be able to get to it today or something...I am pissed because there are things I would have rather have been doing besides sitting all since last Wed waiting for him I don't like having people in my apartment when I am not here unless I know them...Let's see what else I got a wrong number call 6 times today every time I would say hello they would say oh sorry I think I have the wrong number how do you call the SAME wrong number 6 times ?

But on to good things today is 6 months since I had a glass of soda and tomorrow I cut out junk food the bad sugar I don't need sugar-free stuff here I come lol....I found a new love besides Crystal Light..I tried new Lipton Tea Pyramid Tea Bags me being a tea fanatic I had to try them so I went & got the White Tea with Island Mango & Peach Flavors now considering I don't like peach I would say this is damn good lol..So I guess that is all for the night folks hope everyone is having a goodnight....

I Rise

Ever since I read this poem in school I have loved it..I figured I would share it with you all

Still I RiseYou may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?'
Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard'
Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shameI rise
Up from a past that's rooted in painI rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fearI rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clearI rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

Maya Angelou

You Have Got To Be Kidding Me

I was reading the Sunday paper online and came across this story..By the time I was done reading I was appalled at these peoples actions and how some of then think what they did was ok. I am including the link back to the story read it and let me know what you think.
(http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/nationworld/2003588154_sisters25.html). This is what is wrong with this world today seriously is their ever going to come a time where people are accepted as is ? I have to commed the people who took a stand and decided to leave I also feel sorry for the ones who were made to feel as if they weren't good enough to be part of something that is suppose to be like a second family while you are at college. Its disgusting that these people felt like they had the right to tell these women sorry your not pretty enough or your not skinny enough or the right color to be in our club sorry. Things like this make me wonder if we are living in 2007 and things are this way are things ever going to change or are they only going to get worse ? Feel free to comment I would love to hear what you have to say about this article....

What Is Yummy For 100 Calories or Less

I was reading this article about things that are 100 calories and under they listed 10 things so I figured I would pass on what I learned in the article

1.Hershey Kisses-Just 100 calories for 3 pieces

2.Half cup of strawberries & four tablespoons of lite whipped topping for only 90 calories

3.Half an english muffin & a teaspoon of peanut butter for 95 calories

4.Graham Crackers-2 sheets for 100 calories

5.Jello Fat-Free Pudding Snacks- 1 pudding cup is 100 calories

6.Frozen Yogurt-3 ounces is 100 calories

7.Cherries-1 cup is 95 calories

8.Egg-1 medium hard boiled egg is 81 calories

9.Almonds-10 raw almonds roughly equals 100 calories.

10.Popcorn-3 cups of air-popped popcorn for just 93 calories

I honestly don't know if I could only eat 3 hershey kisses thou lol....I wonder how many calories a cup full of lite whipped topping minus the strawberries would be (yea I know I'm bad). I am not a fan of english muffins or peanut butter..But I do love graham crackers and Jello fat-free pudding..I have never tried frozen yogurt if anyone has let me know how it tastes..I love fruit but cherries is not one of them anything cherry I hate the taste of..I like eggs in a nice egg salad sandwhich but alone it isn't my cup of tea..I like almonds by themselves but mixed in with anything or covered in anything I don't like...People think I am weird because I don't really like popcorn a whole like to be honest I can do without it all together..

Hobby Junky

I have so many hobbies well things I like to do or think I will like to do so I go out and get things to start these hobbies and then I lose interest lol..I have a closet full of beads and other jewelry making things...I also have a thing that melts the wax so you can make candles and I have tons of wax and all these scents lol..I also have books on knitting and crocheting and some yarn. I have tons of ideas for all this stuff but for some reason I just can't get them to come together and its driving me crazy so here it all sits in my closet staring at me every time I open the door. I thought about bagging and selling the beads but I know after I do that some great idea will hit me lol...I really want to teach myself how to knit so I know I need to buckle down and get it started maybe in a few years I will have made something that someone can recognize what it is lol. So I was wondering does anyone else have this problem you start something and then you never seem to finish it ??

Road To Recovery

Ok well Friday's Dr. Appt was a good one...The culture from the ER came back as just a regular bacteria so that is good...No more shoving gauze in the hole I wanted to kiss her when she said that but I think that would have been very unprofessional LOL...The whole has gotten considerably smaller since my visit to the ER its nice and pink which I guess is a good think its bad if it turns red...As long as it keep healing I am ok if it takes a turn for the worse she says I will have to go to wound care so lets hope I keep healing...

So I have to keeping cleanng it and putting the gauze on the cover it and wrap gauze around to hold it she also gave me more antibiotics not as strong as the other ones but I have to take them 4x a day..Yippeee more pills(sacasm)..She had me tested for Diabeties and my Cholestrol since its been over a yr but she doesn't think I am Diabetic because one of the pills I am on for my PCOS is also used for Diabeties

She also said even after this heals I am going to have to be careful that I don't hit that part of my leg on anything since it won't be as strong as my reg skin I am thinking great I need to buy a shin guard lol...My leg still hurts like hell thou lol so hopefully the pain will lessen as the wound heals..I have to go back and see her in a few weeks so she can see about my leg..Maybe I should buy a shin guard just to be on the safe side lol...I hope everyone had a good weekend it seems evreyone here decided to run to the car wash on Friday only to turn around and have it rain Sunday

Happy Valentines Day

Myspace Layouts

If Your Falling Apart & You Know It Raise Your Hand (I Am Raising Mines)

Well I switched over to the new blogger so we will see how this works out for now so far so good but this is only my first post using the new version...So back to falling apart I have to tell you this year I finally decided I was going to start taking care of myself like I should be so I stopped drinking soda and I started taking my Blood Pressure medications like I was suppose to and I have to tell you since then I swear my body is rejecting me..Let's take a trip down memory lane here for the year so far...Well in Jan I had a case of the shin splints on my right leg well I dealt with that and then next thing I know I have what appears to be a blister appear in the front kind of on the side of my lower right leg in the shin area ok so the blister is about the size of a quarter and its full of liquid so I think ok no big deal its just a blister well obviously I was wrong well as it began to drain I cleaned it and covered it so it wouldn't get infected well in the process of me cleaning it when I would dab or wipe the skin would come off my leg on the blister area so as time went on my skin was coming off and I could see the meat under it(not a pretty picture for sure)...Well I have a Dr. Appt Friday but I was freaking out about my leg and honestly couldn't wait till Fri to have it seen so at about 4 AM this morning I get to the ER and have it looked at by this time its the size of a Cadbury Easter Egg(which while I was telling the Triage nurse about it feels a need to say OMG I love Cadbury Eggs they are so good now I am thinking umm yea I am glad you like them but can we get back to the issue at hand here) and its about a half a fingernail deep..So I get called back and the Dr comes in and looks at my leg and says I have a ulcer on my leg which some how equals a skin infection I am thinking sort of like a abscess so she tells me I need to be checked for Diabetes since my mom is Type 2 and I just found out this morning that my brother has Diabetes also. I gotta say I really hope I am not Diabetic honestly with the High Blood Pressure, PCOS and the Lymphodemia I have enough on my plate already its full enough so when I go to my Dr Friday I have to make sure I get tested. I also got a tetanus hot man that hurts like hell..But the ER Dr gave me some Antibiotics and some Tylenol 3 w/ codeine for the pain. I have to wet dry wrap it and change it once a day which means I have to take some gauze and wet it and stick it in the hole and make sure its flush with my skin and then wrap dry gauze around my leg and follow up with my Dr. on Friday. Man all I know is when she had the nurse come in and clean out my leg OMG I thought I was gonna die I was squeezing MK's hand so hard I thought I broke a finger or two but he is ok it was his left hand anyways lol he is right handed. But she sprays water in it which was no big deal but then she wipes the water out I swear it felt like she shoved to fingers in there like she was digging for gold man then she says to me as she is wiping this looks like it hurts does it hurt I got ready to say no I always clench my teeth when I talk to someone lol. So by the time we got out of there it was almost 8 o'clock I went and got my pills filled and came home and took them and went to sleep..So that was my fun filled day in a nutshell hope everyone is having a good weekend...Also thanx to everyone who has listed me on their blogs I feel so honored

February Already

Well its Feb already and as our fuzzy friend Phil said it will be a early Spring this year well Phil you better be right casue I am tired of cold weather...Well I been slacking on one of my resolutions as you can see I haven't been blogging regularly like I am suppose to be(someone feel free to kick me in my ass plz)...Well not much has been happening around here last month I ended up with Shin Splints and I have NO idea how considering I am not the least bit athletic unless you count my sprinting to the potty due to these water pills exercise lol...I have been taking my Blood Pressure pills like I am suppose to so when I go back and see my Dr I hope there is a significant change from being a walking stroke....Except for a few pains here and there I have been feeling pretty good lately my legs don't hurt when I get out of bed in the morning or when I get up from my chair....I haven't been spending much time in front of the computer like I used to I have been reading more I am still reading You On A Diet I had a little set back my book mark came out of the book and I had to find my place again lol...Well the 28th of this month marks 6 months of no soda I am proud of myself now if only I can do that with my eating habits I would be ok...I have been thinking about going back to college alot lately well actually I started thinking about it last yr...I figured I would take some classes online I would love to go back and get my degree I started college when I lived in Vegas and never finished I honestly wished when I graduated in 1997 from High School I had went directly to college but of course I didn't..This June makes is 10 years since I graduated High School god 10 yr already damn where did the time go ? So anyways I would love to get a degree in what I haven't quite figured that out yet.. Well that is all for now I am going to try and post regularly even if I don't have much to say... Also if anyone has any idea about how to change blog templates please let me know I think its time I got a new one thanx

Six Weird Things About Me

I was tagged by Ellie over at The Cedar Chest

THE RULES: Each player of this game starts with the 6 weird things about you. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says you are tagged in their comments and tell them to read your blog.


1. When I can't sleep I make up stories in my head to help myself fall asleep it works sometimes.

2. I have blown out a coffee maker and a light bulb just by touching them

3. I love being in the dark I always have to me if feels so much more comfortable and relaxing

4. I feel like I have lost a piece of myself at this point in my life

5. I occasionally see things as if I am seeing them through someone else's eyes

6. I own over 50 movies and have only watched about 7 of them


I could only come up with three people to tag lol
Fat Bitch~~Jen's Ramblings~~Sane & Insane,....If you decided to do this let me know and I will come read about how weird you are

Share Your Thoughts On This

I received this in a group I am in and decided I would share it after you read it let me know what you think....

What If?

What if fat was healthy because fat people had some cushioning and some reserve food stores to live on, and skinny people were said to be putting themselves at risk, and stigmatized for making this stupid health decision?
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What if people went up to skinny girls in the street and said "Oh, you’d be beautiful if you’d just gain weight!"
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Or "You’re thin, but you’re beautiful on the inside!" Or looked at me like I was in some way sick and disgusting?
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What if all clothes below size 10 came in girly pastels, with the reasoning that small women are underdeveloped and childish?
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What if they were called ‘minus sizes’?
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What if thin people had to go to special stores to buy clothes, because none of the regular stores wanted to stock clothes for them, saying that they’re disgusting and their patrons wouldn’t want to look at them?
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What if all models were a size 16 or above, but every once in a while you’d see a "minus size" model in a size 8 cut to make her look larger?
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What if "too fat" wasn’t the greatest thing, because it was acknowledged to not be terribly healthy, but the models who were "too fat" still got all the modeling jobs, and they were told that they might want to lose a little weight but nobody took it seriously? And meantime "too fat" was infinitely better than "too skinny"?
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What if thin people were depicted in the media as obsessed with exercise and starving themselves, and thus not sexually interested? And fat people were depicted as able to enjoy their food, and their lovers, with relish?
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What if a TV character as popular as Friends’ Monica was depicted as once having been thin, not even unhealthily so, and she was the butt of jokes for that?
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What if X percent of the American population was labeled "underweight" ?
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What if food commercials focused not on low-fat, but high in nutrients to gain weight?
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What if people said "I don’t understand what’s wrong with skinny people. All they have to do is eat! It’s not that difficult. They must be pretty stupid not to figure that out."?
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What if there were no labels saying "Low Fat" but instead they said "High Fat"?
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What if magazines ran stories on "How to Maximize the Glory of your Curves"?
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What if 7-year-old girls, copying their moms, asked their friends "Does this make me look too skinny?"
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What if magazines ran bogus ads for weight gain powder? And the ads said "Mary gained 25 pounds in 8 weeks combining a high-nutrient diet, exercise to gain muscle mass, and Product X"? And they showed a picture of Mary wearing baggy clothes to make her look skinny and waifish, while in the "After" picture she was trim and tan? And women looked at Mary, who didn’t need to gain weight to begin with, and say "If she’s skinny, I must be a stick" and started gorging themselves?
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What if thin people had to pay more for clothes and underwear and almost no pretty bras came in anything under a size 40?
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What if there was an operation to enlarge the size of one’s stomach or inject fat under the skin?
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What if middle-aged women were admired because they had put on some weight after age 30 and young women were simply ‘too thin’?
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What if kids made jokes like "Your mama’s so thin, she blew away
when I flapped my arms"?
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What if people talked to thin people slowly on the assumption that they were like children?
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What if thin people had to learn to be witty, because else they would be utterly ignored by the opposite sex?
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What if studies showed that thin could also be healthy, not just fat, but the mass media only paid lip service to them?
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This would be ridiculous.
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Then why is the reverse still OK?
—Author Unknown

Reason~Season~Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
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Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.
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LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant

The Agreements

Man its been awhile since I last posted I have been trying to keep busy here and there so far so good I suppose..I finished reading a book last week its called The Four Agreements By Don Miguel Ruiz...Its a very good book I have to admit... The four Agreements are

1. Be Immpecable With Your Word

2.Don't Take Anything Personally

3.Don't Make Assumptions

4.Always Do Your Best

If you ever get a chance to read this book I hope you do and if you do let me know what you think of it..I am still reading You On A Diet and A Dummies Guide To High Blood Pressure lol well I am going to go read for awhile I will blog more later

~~How I Feel Lately~~

Broken

By Lindsey Haun

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Wake up to a Sunny Day

Not a cloud up in the sky

And then it starts to rain

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My defenses hit the ground

And they shatter all around

So open and exposed

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But I found strenght in the struggle

Face to face with my troubles

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When you're broken

In a Million little pieces

And your tryin'

But you can't hold on any more

Every tear falls down for a reason

Don't you stop believin' in your self

When you're broken

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Little girl don't be so blue

I know what you're going through

Don't let it beat you up

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Hittin' walls ang gettin' scars

Only makes you who you are

Only makes you who you are

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No matter how much your heart is aching

There is beauty in the breaking

Yeah

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When you're broken

In a Million little pieces

And your tryin'

But you can't hold on any more

Every tear falls down for a reason

Don't you stop believin' in your self

When you're broken

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Better days are gonna find you once again

Every piece will find it's place

When you're broken

When you're broken

When you're broken

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In a Million little pieces

And your tryin'

But you can't hold on any more

Every tear falls down for a reason

Don't you stop believin' in your self

When you're broken

Oh When you're broken

When you're broken

When you're broken

Random Babbling

Well I read my horoscope today and it left me totally baffled it read "Someone enters your life who might be part of it forever. A new friend, lover or mentor -- the stars say that it could be any one of those three. Synchronicity happens when you let it, so keep an open mind."...Sounds like this year could be interesting..I was talking to a really good friend of mines we will call her Bridget we were talking about health as we usually do we have made a pact this is the year we take care of ourselves...I was tihnking about seeing if they have OA meeting online until I am able to make it to one..I don't think I over eat but I do eat the wrong stuff but I could be wrong..People always say well stop eating when your full well my problem is by the time I think i'm full my tummy hurts also I don't gorge myself on food all at one time I just eat the bad stuff through out the day and like I said in a previous post I usually eat the most when I am bored so I have been trying to find ways to keep busy so I am not so bored...Well I am off to read i'll blog more later...

Easy To Add On Hard To Subtract

As I was sitting here reading my email I began thinking something about weight and weigh-loss..Why is weight so easy to gain and so hard to get rid of it ? I swear I feel my ass & thighs spread everytime I see a commerical on tv or walk past the junk food alise at the grocery store lol...For some people its hard for them to gain weight and easy to lose it and then you have people who have a fast metabolism..I swear I have the metabolism of a freakin snail or a turtle..My family is a mixture of sizes on my Dad's side most of the women are as they in family call it "big-boned" lol...On my mom's side there are a few women who are "big-boned" maybe 2 at the most..my sister was always small that was until she got pregnant with my nephew then well for her there was no going back but she has lost weight from what i've heard I haven't seen her in a few years...I was a ok size kid until the inevitable happend I hit puberty lol and well you know the rest is history...But anyways back to the original topic I wish it was as easy to get rid of the weight as it was to pack it on..I had something else I wanted to talk about but for the life of me I can't remember what it was I swear that has been happening alot lately I have CRS (Can't Remember Shit) symdrome lol....I will remember eventually

A New Day

Well here we are the first post of 2007 and I hope to have plenty more...As I sit here and type this its 6:05 A.M I have been up for a couple of hours now.I feel like I have a lump of something stuck in my throat and its driving me crazy lol...New Years was pretty quiet here bf had to work and I didn't want to be out with all the crazies so me and Jack(Daniels) relaxed and enjoyed a good book....And for those wondering I had orange juice not soda....I hope everyone had a safe New Year Eve...I guess I should continue on with my story from a few nights ago when I left off I was talking about how MK(my boyfriend) mom always makes comments about his weight (which by the way he is at a fine weight for his height and eveything he is far from overweight) but in the same breath she sends candy and cookies home with him...Let me give you a little background on his mom she has always struggled with her weight after she had kids so after yrs of taking it off and eventually gaining it back a few yrs ago I think when she was 61 or 62 she had gastric bypass surgery they were worried about her because of her age but her Dr suggested that was her only hope ok so she has had the surgery and I think it has been 2-3 yrs since she has had it and I will say up front I love Mk's mother to death but it seems since she has had the sugery she feels she has the right to tell others how to eat all the while still stuffing her self full of junk food and sweets until she makes her self sick..Now I am not knocking the surgery or anyone who has had the surgery you all have more courage then me I will say that I am seriously scared of going under the knife for anything lol..MK's dad is a diabetic he is good about watching what he eats and everything but god forbid he has a treat she yells at him that he should't be eating that but if he says something about what she is eating she snaps at him "don't tell me how to eat or what to eat"...It pisses me off is she has this things of saying things to me when no one else is around but she will change the subject when someone comes in the room..she has done that to me a few times about my weight and things like that and I just tend to ignore her but I told MK there is going to come a day when she is going to say something and I am not going to hold my tongue and I am going to go off on her and she isn't going to like me anymore..Its like since the surgery she has to throw it in people's face that she has lost some weight and others are still struggling its like she thinks she is better then the people she used to be like (people struggling with their weight)...Well on to other things I have made some resolutions this year like I am sure most of us have I am going to try my hardest to stick to it

1.Eat more healthy
2.Put myself first more
3.Continue no soda drinking
4.Cut out sweets(candy,cookies,junk food)
5.Read more(read 8 books this year

I also need to get more sleep my sleep schedule sucks now its horrible MK works graves and I have the hardest time sleeeping at night when he isnt home so I end up tossing and turning all night and then I lay down with him when he goes to bed too so I have to find a way to get a good nights sleep and not sleep my days away if anyone has any ideas I would love to hear them..Well I am going to go read for awhile...

Happy New Years

To All You Bloggers Out There Have A Safe & Happy New Years


Myspace Layouts

Slacking 101

Oh yea I been slacking hardcore lol I am suppose to be posting regularly but as we can see that hasn't been happening and why is that becasue I tend to procrastinate I have tons of things I want to talk about but by the time I get to posting it I have forgotten most of it but while I am here lets recap shall we still doing good on no soda..X-mas was nice and quiet I stayed home X-mas eve while boyfriend drove 4 hrs to his parents to open gifts( I stayed home due to my legs it makes sitting and traveling very uncomfortable) but I have to say it was nice being home alone I got some reading done and it was nice and quiet ahhhh who doesnt like peace and quiet..So anyways he calls me while he they are opening gifts he opens his and the couple gifts and brings mine how so I can open them..ok so fast forward to X-mas day when he comes home he comes home with plates full of candy and cookies his mom shoved at home to take home now this comes from a women who ever time she sees him says you have packed on some weight...Now someone please tell me if you think he needs to lose some weight why in the hell would you send all this shit home with him in the first place ???...I love his mother dearly but somethings she does drives me crazy I will go on more about her tomorrow..I have made a few resolutions for 2007 that I plan on trying my damnest to stick to as if my life dependened on it cause honestly I know it does the only person who can do this and win this fight is me...So the fun begins lol...Well that is all for now I will blog more again tomorrow night....

Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays To All

Wishing you and yours a Very Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays

Christmas Myspace Graphics

The After Flow

LOL for the life of me I couldn't come up with a title for this entry lol so there you have it....Well I went and saw my Dr. and we talked and she thinks that since my legs are getting so bad walking has become so hard that maybe I should look into weight-loss surgery to help me lose weight since even though I am dieting I can't get up and walk around to exercise...Well I know for a fact that my insurance won't cover it but she said if I decided to she would help me fight them so I am thinking about it but I am going to look into other options for my legs first....So I am happy that Aunt Flow is gone and I hope she doesn't come back ever again now that I am back on schedule with my shot and all.....I started cramping on the 2nd got the shot on the 4th and all was well by the 7th but oh man I gotta say this and I feel bad for lack of will power but for those 6 days I had a love affair with some Amish Sugar Cookies(god they were good)...Why is it I can conquer the soda habit but not the sugar one..Well I am off to read I will post more later...

Not a Good Day =(

Well I got up long enough to check everyone's blog and post this then back to bed...I have spent my day in bed laying in the fetal position wanting to cry from the most horrible cramps and headache....Aunt Flo is rearing her ugly lil head and it's kiling me which this shouldn't be happening and it wouldn't had the nurse at the Dr office got the date for my next shot correct...I have PCOS it took me 3 months straight of bleeding and 3 different Dr.'s before the Dr I have now gave a damn to listen to me and find out what was wrong so she put me on the shot to stop the bleeding and ease it well I usually get the shot early so I don't have to deal with the cramps or the bleeding I can never keep track of the counting that goes along with it but I guess I am going to have to start cause I am sooooo not going through these cramps again lol so Monday I am off to the Dr. for my shot and I need to talk to the Dr. about the problem sleeping I can't get my mind to stop running a mile a min at night to go to sleep and I been having some tummy issues for awhile now and its getting worse so I really should tell her about them before I have an organ or something fall out...I began reading You On A Diet a few days god I love this book its great I am learning things I never knew before I just finished reading Our Lady of Weight Loss its a funny book and I learned some things from that one too the next book I need is High Blood Pressure for Dummies I really need to start getting this high BP under control thats for sure I added my days without soda counter on my blog I have to say I am proud of myself for making it this far I really am I figured I would have thrown in the towel by now but I feel good that I have taken at least one step in trying to get myself together lets hope I can continue to follow along this path with the rest of my weight loss plan..Well that's all for now i'll blog more tomorrow..

A Cause Close To My Heart

Today is World AIDS day this day saddens me becasuse there are so many people infected in this world..One of those people is my cousin she was infected by the man whom she was suppose to marry she found out she was infected the same time she found out she was pregnant with their child..When she confronted him about it he swore up and down he didn't know he had it well come to find out he lied his whole family knew and never felt a need to tell her or his first wife or the women he messed around with after my cousin left him..Thank god their child is healthy. His family had the gall to say well it's not our place to tell his business to these women or to anyone else to them all they said was well they should have used protection well protection isn't 100 % effective he should have had the balls to keep his stuff in his pants if he knew he was infected instead of spreading it around to who knows who else and yes I know it is both people's responsibility to make sure to take care of these things to make sure that things like this don't happen but no one man or women has the right to go out and infect someone one well I will get off my soapbox for now and save it for another day...I will post again later I know I have said that before and I never do this time I will

My Cookie Jar LOL

Here is the cookie jar I was talking about in a earlier post I call it my cookie jar full of tea bags I've had this thing for what will be a yr this X-mas and there has never been cookies in it lol

Success

I got this in my email and figured I would share it cause its true

The road to success is not straight.
There is a curve called Failure,
a loop called Confusion,
speed bumps called Friends,
red lights called Enemies,
caution lights called Family.
You will have flats called Jobs.
But, if you have a spare called Determination,
an engine called Perseverance,
& insurance called Faith,
you will make it to a place called Success

UGHHHHHH..Need I Say More

As I sit here it is a whoppin 26 degrees outside and the wind chill is 17 I must say I hate snow with a passion I lived back east in Massachusetts for 20 years( got tired of snow up past my knees) then I had four sun soaked years in Nevada(I miss Vegas) & now here I am in snowy cold Washington I have to say this is the only place I have lived that in the same month can it flood from all the rain and then turn around and snow so much they cancel school and people are leaving their cars on the side of the roads left and right MK(the boyfriend) took some pics lastnight and this morning I figured I would share them with you so you can enjoy some snow I will be back later with another post and yes this time I promise I will be...

Post Thanksgiving Post

Well I had a great Thanksgiving I didn't overeat and I didn't over load up on sweets I had a slice of pumkin pie with some cool-whip but I am proud of myself for not going wild lol...We have a slew of leftovers we had ham instead of turkey..I've had enough of Tom Turkey as a child lol I'm all about Henry Ham these days there was garlic and chive mashed potatoes, plain mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, stuffing,baked mac and cheese, collard greens, scalloped potatoes, green beans with mushroom sauce god lol I think that's it..Thank goodness one holiday down and only one more to go and its all over..I am not in a festive mood this year the older I get the less into Christmas I am I love baking and giving it away to people but the gift giving and everything is getting riduculous..in the boyfriends family alone there are 15 people not even close to that many in mines lol..Every year people ask me what I want and I never know I am on a big reading kick (got a new book tell you about it in the next post)so I usually say a giftcard to a bookstore or something like that you can never have to many books well it seems people never listen I end up with something that is way to big for our one bedroom apartment( and mind you the people giving these huge things are people who have seen our place) lol or something I will never have a use for lol so it sits in the closet..I have to say my most prized possession from last year is a gift I got from from boyfriend's oldest sister she got it for me its a Winnie The Pooh cookie jar(full of tea bags sorry no cookies) I am a Winne the Pooh fanatic you can't but love Pooh Bear... I am a New Years kind of person wether I am home or with friends it doesn't matter I have always like New Years its up there with my other favorite holiday August 4th(mark your calendars lol) yup that's my birthday no matter how old I get I love my birthday as long as I am around to enjoy them I will (and yes to me my birthday is a holiday lol and yours should be for you to)..But I have already made a pact with a friend of mines 2007 is gonna be a good year for me even if I have to mame or kill someone(hopefully neither of those will have to happen lol)..2007 is my year of a healthier and happier me this is the year of RAE lol...anyone wanna come along feel free there is enough room for everyone(in case your wondering no I am not drunk lol)...Well that is all for now I will be back to post more later if you get a chance check out my post on Emotional eating all comments are welcomed

To You & Yours

I hope you all have a wonderful, safe & happy holiday

Getting to Know You

I saw this on Angelfish's Blog and it looked fun so I figured I would borrow it and try it here lol...

DO YOU SNORE? Yes, well the boyfriend says I do
ARE YOU A LOVER OR A FIGHTER? Both
WHAT’S YOUR WORST FEAR? Not being able to lose this weight
AS A KID, WERE YOU A LEGO MANIAC? No, but my sister was
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF “REALITY” TV? Can't stand it
DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS? No
WERE YOU A CUTE BABY? Yea I was and so small lol, damn what happened
IS THE SINGLE LIFE FOR YOU? If I had to do it again I could but I like having a boyfriend
HAVE YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMPED? No but when I get to my health weight I want to.
ANY SECRET TALENTS? Solving other people's problems playing the trumpet and sax fairly ok and I know the states in alphabetical order
WHAT’S YOUR IDEAL VACATION SPOT? Vegas or Hawaii
CAN YOU SWIM? Nope
HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOVIE DONNIE DARKO? No.
DO YOU GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THE OZONE? Yes,
HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOTSIE POP? 20 maybe or none if you have strong enough teeth to just bite through it
CAN YOU SING THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS? No,
DO YOU PREFER ELECTRIC OR MANUAL PENCIL SHARPENER? Electric.
WHAT’S YOUR STAND ON HUNTING? It's ok
IS MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE? Yes
DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Sometimes.
WHAT ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO? Wool, The Shell on some Nuts
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID, “I LOVE YOU”? A few min ago when boyfriend left for work.
DO YOU CRY AT WEDDINGS? No
HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS? Scrambled
ARE BLONDES DUMB? I know some smart ones
WHERE DOES THE OTHER SOCK END UP? The sock/underware gnomes eat them
WHAT TIME IS IT? 10:44 P.M.
DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME? A few
IS MCDONALD’S DISGUSTING? No I like their salads
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE IN A CAR? Been awhile
DO YOU PREFER BATHS OR SHOWERS? Showers
IS SANTA CLAUS REAL? Yes
DO YOU LIKE TO HAVE YOUR NECK KISSED? Yes.
ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK? No, I love it
WHAT ARE YOU ADDICTED TO?
CRUNCHY OR CREAMY PEANUT BUTTER? don't like peanut butter
CAN YOU CRACK YOUR NECK? No.
HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN IN AN AMBULANCE? Yes.
IS DRUG FREE THE WAY TO BE? Yes
ARE YOU A HEAVY SLEEPER? If I am sick.
WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES? Brown
DO YOU LIKE YOUR LIFE? Eh it could be worse
ARE YOU PSYCHIC? I have had premonitions before and quite frequently
HAVE YOU READ CATCHER IN THE RYE? No
DO YOU PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS? Trumpet and Sax a lil
HAVE YOU EVER STOLEN MONEY? No.
CAN YOU SNOWBOARD? No
DO YOU LIKE CAMPING? Never been
DO YOU SNORT WHEN YOU LAUGH? No
DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC? Yes
ARE DOGS A MAN’S BEST FRIEND? They can be but so can't people
DO YOU BELIEVE IN DIVORCE? Yes no one deserves to be miserable if they can help it
CAN YOU DO THE MOONWALK? No.
DO YOU MAKE A LOT OF MISTAKES? I have made my fair share and I am trying not to repeat them
IS IT COLD OUTSIDE TODAY? Right now its 43*F outside
WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Hamburger
DO YOU WEAR NAIL POLISH? No
HOW MANY PEOPLE DO YOU LIKE RIGHT NOW? A fair amount
WHAT’S THE MOST ANNOYING TV COMMERCIAL? Way too many to name
FAVORITE SONG AT THE MOMENT? My Wish By Rascal Flatts

Emotional Eating

I hear people talk about they eat when they are emotional you know like mad, angry, depressed things like that I never do that I eat the most when I am bored..And being home all day long well geesh how much more bored can you possibly get...I don't eat alot of junk food or fried food I actually eat things that are good for me but the only downside is my lack of ability to exercise which I have got to find a way to get that done...I happen to be an impulse buyer when it comes to candy and other sweets I want to know does anyone else do this ? I will want some candy or other assorted sweet get it home and then not want it and it will sit there for weeks on end until I either trash it or the boyfriend eats it..It drives me crazy that I do that but I have no idea why I do it...I think if I figure it out I may actually be able to take astep forward...But on the upside in 6 days that being Nov 27th I will be soda free for 3 month I am hoping I can keep this up now if only I can get the rest of my eating under control wouldn't life be grand

Honestly Speaking

I gotta say right now I am so not loving life(don't worry I'm not thinking about doing anything dumb) Right now I am in a funk and see no end in sight at the moment and it's driving me crazy.. I am just so fed up with somethings now which I will explain later. My weight is one of them I am at my highest weight ever in my life and it fuckin sucks I haven't stepped on a scale in years I am guessing I am over the 400 mark a place I NEVER thought I would be..I am so angry that I have let myself get this big...I ma angry at my back for being fucked up and not being able to walk & I am pissed that my legs are now messed up with this lymphodemia and it makes walking harder. This is so not where I wanted to be when I was 27 not by any means..I have been stressing about other crap left and right and of course with stress comes eating so that isn't good...Plus being at home all day isn't helping either I been trying to find a at home job since it's hard to get out but to no avail I got nothing so far...But I am not giving up on getting myself healthy I know no one can do it for me only I can...I need to find leg exercises things I can do while I sit down and buy some weights so I can exercise my arms...I know for sure I have got to start eating better I am stil going strong on the no soda now if I could be that way on other things I shouldn't be eating...I haven't been taking my bp meds so I know the Dr is gonna have a cow when I go see her...Well I am done with this bitch fest for now back to your regual scheduled programming I am going to try and blog more frequently from now on.

Catch-Up

Man I am kicking myself in the ass now for taking so long to get back to this blog when I first started it I told myself I was going to keep up on it and not slack off well I guess I goofed up on that one now didn't I.....But I have to say the end of Oct beginning of Nov has been the few weeks from hell life decided to drop some bombs one on top of the other a few things have been taken care of just waiting for the other shoe to drop on the final situation I am so hoping for the best....Well I have been thinking of going back to school to get a college degree. I will have to do it online for now but something is better then nothing..I will have to come back again tonight and blog more I have alot of things on my mind that I need to get off but there are a few things I need to take care of...