Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Fathers Part 2

Let me move on from my dad for a minute and talk about my mom.....My mom has been my mom and my dad she has always been there for me when I needed her and even when I didn't think I did....I know there were times she wanted to beat me senseless but she didn't....I knew there were times she wanted to say I told you so but she didn't even after all the dumb things I have done in my life she has always been there to have my back.....A few years ago while she was at work she had a heart attack a friend of hers came into my job and told my boss and he came and got me and all she said was your mom is in the hospital then she told me they think she had a heart attack as I’m walking out to the car I swear I felt like someone hit me and knock the wind outta me my first thought was "I cant lose her" at that time we were living in Vegas...If I had lost her I don't know what I would have done....I spent many a nights crying in bed wondering if she was going to be ok and thank goodness she was I realized something at that time no matter how old you are you always need your momma for something......So back to my dad I remember the day it hit me that I lost my dad for sure and at that time I really didn't care ......It was a hot July afternoon in Massachusetts......


The ceremony begins its my turn they call my name I go up on stage I look out and see my mom, sister, nephew, uncle, aunt and cousin but no where do I see my father and as I'm walking off down the stairs Im thinking well maybe he is up in the balcony so after this we are all outside I call my dad to see where he is and I call the cell phone and I'm like where are you he is like home I'm like have you been there are day he was like yes why and I hand up the phone and I'm thinking to myself on what should be one of the happiest days of my life.....He missed my fucking High School Graduation that was the day I finally went from feeling like the baby girl he always wanted to the person he didn't give a damn about......So I went out that night and partied like it didn't matter and when I got home as usual I went to bed and cried for a man I loved but for some reason I thought couldn't love me back.....A few years later while talking to a friend I realized something the first man to tell me he loved me, to lie to me, to break my heart and to abandon me were in fact all the same person My Father.....How about that for irony......Well he called me back the next day and asked why I hung up on him and I said you really haven't figured it out huh and of course he was like no and I'm like you missed my damn graduation and of cause he had no excuse no reason no nothing and if he had of I didn't really want to hear it any way’s.......


I left Mass and moved to Vegas in March of 2000 and my mom in August of 2000 I didn't tell my dad I was moving I figured why should I...so it surprise me when my mom called and said your dad sent u a card and some money yea damn near pissed my pants on that one.....So eventually I told him I left Mass and he was like well I wish you had come say good bye and I'm like why what difference would it have made NONE !!!!!!......While in Vegas I met Mike my boyfriend online and we have been together 4 yrs I came out here to visit last March 2004 and haven’t left since LOL......Well I do believe that Mike is the man I am going to marry and may have kids with so I decide to write my dad a letter since its been so long and I figured I'm older now and we are both adults maybe we can move past the past and let it go yea things could have been done different but its the past lets let it lay well that's what I wanted to do but I guess he didn't.....He was wondering why I hadn't sent him a Father's Day card or anything.......He never said a word about the fact that I was in love ad happy he ever said I'm happy for you or anything the last time I heard from him he called to wish me a Happy New Year......I knew it was him but I didn't want to answer plus he was drunk so it wouldn't have been a good conversation....Maybe one day soon I'll write him again who knows maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment but I think I'll take a break from him. There is more on this topic but we will revisit it later on to different topics

1 comment:

red scorpion said...

If I didn't know any better I would swear you and I are exactly the same person when it comes to the daddy issues. I have never written out my story but after reading yours I definitely will.

Also I just read your 100 things about yourself and it's not too late to go to law school you are 4 months older than me, I am still earning my undergraduate degree and then going to law school (part-time evening).