Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Honestly Speaking

I gotta say right now I am so not loving life(don't worry I'm not thinking about doing anything dumb) Right now I am in a funk and see no end in sight at the moment and it's driving me crazy.. I am just so fed up with somethings now which I will explain later. My weight is one of them I am at my highest weight ever in my life and it fuckin sucks I haven't stepped on a scale in years I am guessing I am over the 400 mark a place I NEVER thought I would be..I am so angry that I have let myself get this big...I ma angry at my back for being fucked up and not being able to walk & I am pissed that my legs are now messed up with this lymphodemia and it makes walking harder. This is so not where I wanted to be when I was 27 not by any means..I have been stressing about other crap left and right and of course with stress comes eating so that isn't good...Plus being at home all day isn't helping either I been trying to find a at home job since it's hard to get out but to no avail I got nothing so far...But I am not giving up on getting myself healthy I know no one can do it for me only I can...I need to find leg exercises things I can do while I sit down and buy some weights so I can exercise my arms...I know for sure I have got to start eating better I am stil going strong on the no soda now if I could be that way on other things I shouldn't be eating...I haven't been taking my bp meds so I know the Dr is gonna have a cow when I go see her...Well I am done with this bitch fest for now back to your regual scheduled programming I am going to try and blog more frequently from now on.


Jenn said...

Dear Rae,
I totally understand. I have been a bbw most of my life. It can be really difficult sometimes, and people are rarely ever compassionate to those who deal with weight.
I have been in a depression, and yes I end up not watching what I am eating. It's a vicious cycle of sorts, the worse one feels, the more one eats, which in turn makes one feel even worse.
I hope you can find work to do out of the home. I am disabled and have been also searching for work from home. Just beware of internet scams....I ended up losing money because of one. It was a work from home secretarial/data entry thing. If anyone asks for money up front to give you work, just walk away. It is most likely an internet scam.
Please be good to yourself. You deserve it.
Take care,

Miss Michele said...

I love that honesty! I'm so glad you put that out there. I am really honest on my blog and sometimes I cringe when I think how many people my read my "truth", but hey it's my truth...It's whats "true" for me. I was 427 to be exact...I finally got a scale that would weigh me thanks to a blogger who got one too. And I want to let you know you aren't the only one -- I am with you -- and I understand the pain, physical and emotional...

i'm glad you are here.


Melissa said...

Hey Rae,

The weight battle is one we can win, we just got to stick with it! Thanks for commenting on my blog. I used to live in Seattle, and I grew up in Vegas. Imagine that. I lived in Belltown and in Mt, Lake Terrace. Where do you live, if you don't mind me asking?

FAT BITCH said...

Hi Dear Rae :)

I will love you and be your friend no matter WHAT the number on your scale tells you that you weigh. I completely understand why you are feeling so down. HUG KISS

Not taking your meds has a great deal to do with how you're feeling and I hope that by now you've gone to your dr. and have resolved this issue, honey.

What makes me believe that you WILL be ok and get yourself back to a good place is that you've said you want to do it yourself and that is why you WILL.

You are cared about by many and like you, I TOO will try to blog more frequently from now on if nothing else but to check up on how my beautiful friends are doing.

I hope you are feeling better very, very soon.